Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
