it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
