Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
