You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
