he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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