just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
