just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
