Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize