I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
