The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
