i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
