Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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