i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize