I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
