i was born a porn star she said
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
