My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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