he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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