Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I currently don't understand fingers.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize