Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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