I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
