3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
