tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
These tits shall not be calmed
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
