Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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