but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
