I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
