This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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