Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
