I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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