Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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