Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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