i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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