we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
