Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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