this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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