Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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