please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
