the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
