he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
