I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
