You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize