watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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