Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
nutella sex= disaster
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
