its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Boobs speak an international language.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
