you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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