Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
