I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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