Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
