I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
