I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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