I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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