dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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