I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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