the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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