i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
