love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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