When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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