u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
