guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize