I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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