I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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