i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
