What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
