i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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