i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
