we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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