Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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