We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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