I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
