i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
