just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
