best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
