im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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