If that was your dad, he is hot
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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