People in love make me want to vomit
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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