Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
