Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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