I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize