Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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