Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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