Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
