he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
