Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
