It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
