it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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