Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
