i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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