Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I can't turn off my feet"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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