I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Randomize