Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
