I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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