No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
