as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
pray to the hookup gods
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
