Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
