So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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