you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
