There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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