once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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