I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
